A trip to the closet

Last night I had a dream. I don't usually remember my dreams but I remember this one.  It came after a day and evening of emotional struggle and, ultimately, loss.  Sometimes losing something or someone from our lives is healthier than keeping whatever or whoever it was.  Even when that is the case, loss is difficult and sad.


The last 3 years of my life have been a journey of transition and transformation; of both my ministry and myself.  I spent many years in relationships with people I would call, "toxic."  Toxic people tend, like toxic chemicals, to cause harm to the  places and people with which they come into contact.  Some toxic people are downright abusive, but most are just slow poisons; they take a while to fully infect a situation and, ultimately, cause damage and, sometimes, even death.  Most of the time, I don't think these folks know the damage they cause. I don't think they are able or willing to really "see" the other in relationship with them.  They tend to see the people in their lives as extensions of themselves in some way and thus, are dependent on others' unconditional agreement and approval.  Their authority must never be questioned and their opinions never opposed or challenged.  To do so would bring harsh consequences to the offender; usually in the form of sharp anger and criticism, the "silent treatment," or worse.  A toxic person can't stand to be opposed because their sense of worth is threatened by another having a different opinion.  They are dependent on being right, being first, and being unopposed at all times.  It has been my goal this past year especially to purge my life of toxic people whenever possible.


So, back to my dream. In my dream a good friend of mine was visiting me and we were going through  my closet (not sure why).  As we went through my clothing piece by piece, I came across many things that did not belong to me.  Somehow I knew to whom they belonged and I took each one out and laid it aside to give to that person.  I also came across things I recognized and liked and some things I recognized and didn't like as much, but knew they were mine and I would need to hold on to them for a while.  The most surprising discovery in the closet was many beautiful, new items of clothing that I hadn't seen before. They had never been worn but I recognized them as mine.  These were items I really wanted to have, things I looked forward to wearing.  The colors of these new items were colors I love most and the designs were exactly my taste, only a little bit better than what I usually wear.


As I discovered these new items I felt a joy come over me at the prospect of owning these beautiful pieces of clothing. I was eager to wear some of them right away, but first I had to clear out all of the things that belonged to other people.  Interesting, no?


So I prayed and here's what I come up with:  The closet of my heart contains lots of stuff in it.  Some of it is truly mine, I chose it and I own it. I wear these things regularly, they are "me."  Some of the stuff in my closet is not mine, it is stuff I have taken on from other people: opinions, definitions of myself, pressures to be something or someone to another, etc.  These items needed to be removed because they are not "me." The colors were all wrong and I recognized them immediately as not mine.  I do not have to store other people's stuff in the closet of my heart any longer.  The beautiful new, never worn clothes are the "me" that God is working on now.  The "me" that can wear those clothes is the transformed, unencumbered me who has cast off the clothing others have given to me and chooses instead to wear the clothing God has provided.  The new clothes are still "me," but they are a better me, a more beautiful me, a more purely "me."


God's crazy like that, right?!  In a dream.  Wild.


So, what's in your closet?

50/50 or 100/100?

I have a problem with stingy people.  I know it's wrong to judge others and I also know that people usually are the way they are because of what they learned as children or the various awfulness life has dealt them. I get that. I guess I'm not really judging as much as wondering what people feel they gain by being stingy with others.


I'm not just talking about material things, in fact I think being stingy with material resources is just a symptom of a deeper stinginess....a stinginess of heart and self.


I'm sure you've met people who never offer a compliment or a kind word just for you and not to bring attention to themselves in some way or to impress their opinion upon another. I know people who can't even comment on a Facebook post in a way that acknowledges the post-er.  I wonder what is going on inside these folks who can only talk about themselves and can't, even for a moment, focus on the good or right or need in another.  These people aren't mean, necessarily, usually they are our friends and are very nice people....they just can't seem to let go of themselves long enough to truly acknowledge and appreciate (let alone celebrate) the uniqueness of another.


In relationships, these folks tend to be 50%ers....they are glad to give their half, as long as the other party has given its half according to their expectations.  These are folks who can't seem to reach across that line of "fairness" to give when the other person hasn't.  The problem tends to be that good relationships are not 50/50...they are 100/100.  Each person must give all they have to the other without demanding exact and measurable reciprocity.  When we choose to be 50/50 people, we are setting ourselves and our loved ones up for disappointment.


Jesus showed us this by his example.  What if he had only given his 50% if we offered up ours first? I think most of us know the answer to that and even cringe at the thought.  With Christ, as it is meant to be with one another, our relationship must be 100/100 or it just won't work.  Fortunately, Jesus gave 100% when we gave nothing and because of that, we now have something to give.


Perhaps folks who can't step across the line of 50% believe that giving more than your share leaves you with less than you need.  Perhaps they fear not having enough for themselves.  Perhaps they worry that love is in short supply.  I don't know about other people, but I know for myself that when I am stingy with myself it is usually because I am afraid of loss...of not having enough.


And so, I have to ask the question, is there a finite amount of love available? Is it possible to give love in its many forms (kindness, service, resources, words of affirmation, affection, attention, presence, etc) without fear of not having enough for ourselves?  I guess that depends on where your love comes from.  If we have to generate our own, our supplies are, indeed, very limited and rare and we would have to ration them in order to love everyone in our lives even a little.  If our love comes from God, however, then, like God, it is eternal, limitless, boundary-less, and infinite. There is always enough, there is always more, we will never run out or be left with less than we need.


Let's together reflect on this....where does our love come from? Do we hoard it or give it freely? What are we afraid of when we choose not to give it? Where did we learn that love is in limited supply?  And, what can we do to tap into the source of infinite love so we can let go of our stinginess and be generous givers of ourselves?

Just some thoughts

After 6 months of living in NY....


I can have a conversation with 3 people at the same time and know what's going on in all 3.  New Yorkers can have 7 or 8 at a time, but I'm not there yet.


I'd rather have a PBJ at home than eat at a chain restaurant.


"Colby-Jack" is no longer a viable cheese option.


I'm completely addicted to small, local grocers who carry things like rugula, kale salads, and portobello mushroom burgers.


I no longer consider sweatpants public apparel.


My first question when asking directions is often, "Bear Mountain or Tappan Zee?"


My kids care what label is on their jeans.


I know that La Crosse is a sport.


Yoga has replaced the treadmill as my evening companion. 


I have seen two live theater performances.  That's two more than I had seen in the previous 4 years.


I spend more time announcing that I recognize where something was filmed in NYC than I do actually watching whatever show is on.


I'm still a Packers fan.


I am still blown away by the beauty of the Hudson Valley.


I still feel incredibly grateful and blessed to live here.

Baby, I was born this way...

One of my favorite songs recently is “Born this way” by Lady Gaga. If you haven’t heard it, I encourage you to check it out, but I don’t recommend the music video…it’s creepy.

Let me share some things with you about why I like this song so much.

The absolute best thing about this song is the dance beat. You can get in a pretty decent workout if you really let go and dance to it even once. It’s rockin’!

Beyond that, there is a very strong message behind the rockin’ beat.  The lyrics are powerful, affirming, empowering and very much in line with the love Jesus Christ showed to all who met Him.  Lines like, “God makes no mistakes, I’m on the right track, baby, I was born this way” speak to the image of God in every person despite our many theological, intellectual, racial, or economic differences.  It reminds us that no matter what we look like to the world, to God, we are perfect because we are created in His image.

Jesus didn’t discriminate based on economic status, race, gender, sexual orientation, marital status, criminal history, or any other of the world’s criteria for “acceptance.”  Jesus went to the people; wherever they were and however they were, and offered them exactly the same thing: forgiveness.  His only requirement? Repentance.  He did not, for example, say to the woman at the well, “Unfortunately, since you’ve been married 5 times and are currently living with a man to whom you are not married, you do not qualify for forgiveness.”  He offered her living water and made no mention of her circumstances until SHE confessed to him.  At that time, Jesus did not disqualify her, he did not judge her, he simply confirmed what she said, showed her that he knew her life intimately, and then confirmed (when SHE initiated it) that he was, indeed, the Messiah. (John 4:15-26)

When the disciples had questions or concerns about who should or should not receive the good news, Jesus refused to offer requirements.  In the example of a woman caught in adultery, about to be stoned do death, Jesus makes it clear what our role in her judgment is to be.  The woman is caught in the very act of adultery, so her guilt is not in question.  The scribes take her to Jesus and say, “Ok, we all know what the law says to do, what do you say?”  Jesus thought about it for a moment wrote something in the dirt with his finger and said, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  (John 8:53-59).

Jesus makes it clear over and over in his teachings that we are not to judge others. We have enough of our own problems to worry about what other people are doing and whether what they are doing is right or wrong.  We come dangerously close to condemning ourselves when we judge another because who among us has never done something someone else might judge as “wrong” or “bad?”  Wouldn’t it be best to leave the judging up to God? 

Here are some Gaga gems to ponder…

 “There’s nothing wrong with loving who you are, ‘cause He made you perfect, babe.”

“I’m beautiful in my way, ‘cause God makes no mistakes.”

“Don’t hide yourself in regret”

“Give yourself prudence and love your friends.”

“Don’t be a drag, just be a queen, whether you’re broke or evergreen,

You’re black, white, beige, chola descent, you’re Lebanese, you’re orient,

Whether life’s disabilities left you outcast, bullied, or teased

Rejoice and love yourself today, ‘cause baby you were born this way.”

“No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgendered life, I was born to survive.”

“I was born this way.”

I feel sure Jesus would urge us to leave the judging up to Him and to do the only two things he has ever asked us to do, love God and love each other.

Lyrics by Lady Gaga, "Born This Way," 2/11/11. © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

That pesky "already/not yet"...

The Kingdom of God is coming and is already here...say what??

Mark tells us that the kingdom of God is here (Mark 1:14-20) and Paul tells us that the kingdom of God is coming soon (1 Cor 7:29-31).  So how do we deal with the fact that 2000 years has proven these to both be problematic claims??  

First, we have to take a look by what is meant by the word, “kingdom.”  For us, “kingdom” doesn’t have a lot of relevance, and what we associate with it is often from the middle ages.  It conjures up images of wars, duels, knights on horseback, etc, sort of a nostalgic image.  We use the terms “queen” and “king” very differently now…”queen” of a beauty pageant, or a drama “queen”….or the “king” of hamburgers.

There is also a sexist connotation and patriarchal images that have been used for millennia to justify subordination of women and groups of people.  We should be clear when we talk about the Kingdom of God that Jesus is not talking about those sorts of kingdoms.

 We also tend to think of a “kingdom” as a geographic territory or a specific period in time.  This makes is very difficult to understand the reign of God.  The kingship or reign of God is God’s rule, authority, sovereignty, etc…not a specific place in time or space.  Jesus announced the in-breaking of God, an event that is ongoing, not static and not limited by space or time.

In many ways, the kingdom of God is a confrontation.  The kingdom of God HAS COME; It is the good news of Jesus and his ministry of salvation; the kingdom of God WILL COME;  it is a hope and an expectation which guides our lives of faith; and the kingdom of God IS COMING; it is happening right now, in our lives even as it is not complete.

The arrival of this kingdom produces a crisis.  The kingdom is God’s new order.  Since the arrival of Jesus, existing rules become the “old ways.”  The kingdom of God is a threat to the old order of things; the arrival of the kingdom requires change and that causes tension.  The arrival of the presence of God in almost every circumstance in the Bible and in life requires something of us and it threatens our understanding of our way of doing things.  The kingdom pushes through, sometimes abruptly and harshly, into our realities and forces a confrontation between ourselves and our faith.

Repent:

The presence of the kingdom in Jesus’ proclamation is a challenge to repentance.  The presence of the kingdom implies, by calling for repentance, that there will be judgment and transformation.  “The time is fulfilled and the kingdom of God has come near, CHANGE YOUR WAYS and believe the good news!

This kind of repentance is more than just an inner attitude or apology, it means a change of mind, a change of actions, and a change of relationships.  It is a total reorientation of life toward the kingdom of God.

Matthew tells us that repentance is seen by its fruit.  Repentance goes to the root in our  hearts and manifests itself through actions and relationships.  Jesus tells us that he is the vine and we are the branches…without proper orientation toward him (repentance) we cannot bear fruit.

Joe Sobrino, a theologian from El Salvador, writes that “the essence of sin is a refusal of this coming; it is relying on works, a willingness to offer anything to God (ritual services, tithes, practices) except one’s own security.  It is the rejection of God as a future we cannot control.”  Repentance, then, means to trust oneself totally to God.

Believe the good news:

The good news that Jesus has come to bring the kingdom of God to us.  The kingdom is present, Christ is reigning, but it is also still in the future, when all evil will be shut out forever.  But do we believe it?  Do we really believe what we say when we tell the story of Christ dying for our salvation?  What does it mean when we say that?

I’m sure most of us will agree that we believe it when we say that God loves us so much that he sent us his son.  And we believe it when we say that Jesus came to offer forgiveness of sins.  But what about the part about his death and resurrection?  Do we really believe in the necessity of that? Do we believe that hell is a real place where those who are not saved will go for all eternity? If we say we believe in Christ’s salvation, then we are also saying that we believe in hell as a real place, because if it isn’t a real place or condition, then Christ wouldn’t have had to die and take on our sin to save us from it.

 If we do believe it, then how do our lives reflect that?  Because that is the good news.  Forgiveness is offered to us when we honestly repent.  If we choose not to repent, or to change our lives, what is the consequence? I’m not sure I understand that completely, but I do know what Jesus says…he says “repent and believe”  We have to repent in order to really believe.  If we don’t believe that hell is real, then we have no motivation to repent or be forgiven and so we go on claiming our nice Christian faith that has no genuine meaning behind it.

“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent and believe in the good news.”

Jesus said it, and I believe it. I pray you do too.

A theory of blessing

I'm working on an issue that has troubled me for some time...the idea that "blessing," in our society, is too often equated with financial prosperity.  Is financial wealth really a blessing, meaning it comes from God?  Given what I have read in the Bible, the connection is a weak one at best.  It sounds to me more like something we Westerners have concocted in order to feel better about excessive spending and materialism.  I'm not convinced that your new Bentley is really a blessing from God.


Here's my theory...


God blesses us with gifts, gifts which are outlined in Scripture (Romans 12, primarily).  These gifts are not material gifts, they are gifts that form our lives.  Teaching, preaching, discernment, hospitality, etc...all gifts directly from God.


So, God's gifts or blessings, are those things within us that enable us to do what we do best.  How we choose to use those gifts is up to us. Some choose to use those gifts in ways that are valuable in the marketplace and thus earn monetary rewards.  We also get to choose what we do with those societal rewards...and you may have chosen to purchase a Bentley with those rewards.  But, the Bentley (or diamond necklace, or cruise around the globe) is not the blessing...it's something you've given to yourself with the reward from using your God-given giftedness in a way that earns monetary reward.  


Here's why I have this theory...


Who were the most blessed people on earth ever? To my mind, Mary and Joseph were the most highly blessed people ever.  They were given the Son of God to nurture and love. They were chosen to be the human parents of God's only Son.  Pretty darned blessed, dontcha think?


And they were poor.  Too poor to make a proper offering at the temple.  Too poor to purchase a second animal on which to ride into Bethlehem.  Too poor to afford reasonable lodging.  There are no references in Scripture of which I am aware that mention any sort of financial reward given to Mary and Joseph as a result of their being blessed.  We are left to assume that they remained poor even as they were the parents of the Messiah.  


Blessing is from God alone.  The stuff we buy as a result of using our blessings or gifts in a way that is valuable in the marketplace is something we give to ourselves.  If you want to test my hypothesis, consider holding your next purchase up to the light of Scripture...ask yourself (and I will ask myself) "Is this how God would choose for me to use the blessing He has given to me?"  


Just sayin'.

Why I hate Christmas

Don't get me wrong, I love, love, LOVE the Christ part of Christmas....I LOVE the candlelight services in church, the focus on God's breaking into the creation in the oddest of ways, the overall generosity and congeniality of folks...I love all those parts of Christmas.  What I hate is the duplicity we Christians demonstrate during this season.  (I said we...I include myself in this tragedy).


Christians claim to be "in the world but not of the world."  We claim Christ as the center of our lives. We shake our heads with pity at those folks who put worldly goods and idols before God....and yet....at Christmas, we good Christians are right in the center of the chaos at the midnight madness sale at Target.  We spend, spend, spend in order to fill the space beneath a tree with gifts we don't need.  We spend countless hours baking fancy cookies, wrapping endless gifts, and running ourselves around doing all the Christmas-y things. I do it too.  I still hate it.


I hate that we put "Keep Christ in Christmas" or "Christ is the Reason for the Season" on our Facebook statuses as we rush out the door to buy more stuff....


I hate that we give so much more and do so much more charity work at Christmas than we do the rest of the year...people need to eat EVERY day....not just Christmas....




I hate that we feign disgust at the excesses  of consumerism and stand in line for hours to buy a bigger television set, or pay hundreds of dollars too much for things just because they have a specific name on the label...


I hate that we do these things in the name of Christ...who would have done nothing of the kind.  I don't care how we dress it up, Jesus would not have celebrated God's arrival by buying iPads or Uggs or Coach handbags on his high-interest, 5% cash back credit card.


Well, gotta run...big sale at Kohl's...Merry Christmas!